Dib's Cuz Comes To Town!!!
by deliciousbacon
Summary: It's a self-insertion fic. There's something very interesting in the 2nd chapter! Oh, and the title may make it not sound like much, but there's more that the eye can't see unless it reads the story.
1. Not Just Another Skool Day

Prepare thyself for insanity

Prepare thyself for insanity! When…

Dib's Cuz Comes to Town!!!

Chapter 1: Not Just Another Skool Day

Yeah I know, I don't own Invader Zim. HOWEVER! I do own MYSELF! I think…

Zim stood on the playground, carefully trying to avoid the dodgeballs, footballs, and whatever else flew towards his head.

But in the words of Yoda, the great Jedi Muppet: "Do or do not. There is no try."

So far, Zim was doing not.

"Foolish earth stink-beasts and their playthings!" he growled angrily as he recovered from yet another beaning to the head. Finally, the bell rang to go back into Skool. _Isn't school_ _spelled differently?_ Zim wondered again as he walked in. (a/n: Come on, he has had to think that at least once!)

* * *~ ~ ~ * * *

"We have a new student," said Mrs. Bitters, indifferent to the idea she presented. "Her name is Kat. Don't kill her, seeing as it's her first day." Mrs. Bitters swooped down the aisles and passed out some papers. "Pop quiz. You had better pass, or _suffer the_ _consequences_." She hissed at the class, then swooped back to her desk.

Zim looked at the first question. It read:

To what country do the Tuamotus belong?

Zim frowned. This question was absurd. He looked at Kat, who had sat down next to him. She had short blond hair with her bangs brushed off to the side, large glasses that seemed to take up half the space of her face, and a smile that was barely more than a straight line. She tapped her pencil on the desk as she worked on the pop quiz.

__

Why does this human look so familiar? Zim wondered. He casually looked over at Dib, who was working on his quiz diligently.

"Eyes on your own paper!" shrieked Mrs. Bitters. Zim jumped and got to work.

As he finished the last question, it hit him.

That girl looked like Dib.

Zim handed his paper in and walked back to his desk. Kat snickered and gave him a note. Zim raised one eyebrow. He opened the note. It said:

Kat- Stay away from Zim(the green guy)! He's an alien! -Dib

Zim- Is that true, or is Dib just being his usual paranoid self? –Kat

Zim sighed. He replied:

Of course Dib is being paranoid! I am not an alien and I in no way wish to take over the world, human fools!

Kat read this, nodding. She wrote some more.

Zim, most of the people here would fall for that. However, I seem to be the only one that noticed "skool" is not spelled that way.

Zim gasped. This human knew who he was! She was also quite intelligent, from what she expressed.

Zim looked back at Kat. At the moment, she was trying to balance a pencil on her nose. Once she'd gotten it to stay, she hung a rubber band from each end. Finally, she hung a paper clip from each rubber band. She grinned triumphantly.

Zim stared. She sure didn't seem smart.

The bell rang. The class stood up and began to leave.

Outside; Gaz, Dib, and Kat stood by the door. Zim walked out.

Dib noticed him. "Hello, Zim," he said. "It would seem I'm now not the only one who knows your secret. Kat and I will destroy you! You can't take over the world if you're taken down and _dissected_!"

Zim noticed that the whole time Dib had been talking, Kat had been giving him bunny ears. However, he didn't know what bunny ears were. "What bizarre ritual is Kat performing with your ugly head?" he inquired, pointing.

Dib's smile disappeared. "What?" He turned around. Kat pulled her hand down quickly. "It's quite simple, Zim. It's called 'giving your stupid cousin bunny ears'." She giggled insanely, sounding a lot like Gir.

"Kat! I've told you not to do that!" Dib yelled.

"Shut up, Dib," Gaz said. "I'm almost to the last level. I don't need you breaking my concentration. And by the way, I'm leaving now." She began walking down the stairs of Skool.

Dib turned to Zim one last time. "Prepare to be defeated and exposed!" He started to walk after Gaz. "Come on, Kat!"

"Be there in a sec!" Kat called.

Zim stared at her some more. "Are you really Dib's cousin?"

"Yeah. Hey Zim, wanna be friends?"

Zim laughed derisively. "What makes you think that I'd want to be friends with a human? The cousin of my sworn enemy, at that!" _Well, my sworn enemy besides bees,_ he added mentally.

Kat shrugged. "I dunno. I just thought you might want to."

"Not if you're going to expose me."

"You kidding? I always wanted to meet an alien. I would never give him away to scientists."

Zim narrowed his eyes. "I don't trust you."

Kat shrugged. "'Kay." She skipped after Dib and Gaz.

Zim headed towards his own home. He could feel that tomorrow would be a good day.

Or so he thought.

*imitates Gir as she runs around the room* Wheeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm running! *slams into the computer chair and falls down, then gets up and giggles wildly* So whaddaya think? I tried to bring out the character traits the best I could, but I think I could have done better on Zim. Oh, and that pop quiz question is from an episode of "Boy Meets World" where Cory had to be in this geography bee. In the next chapter, you will meet Gir! Prepare for even more insanity!

-Katreon ^@~@

Review, or I'll team up with Gir to write a story. (The horror…the hypernessnessness…)


	2. The Title of This Chapter Has Nothing to...

Dib's Cuz Comes to Town

Dib's Cuz Comes to Town!

Chapter 2: The Title of This Chapter Has Nothing to do With the Actual Story

"What's so wrong with him?" Kat asked Dib while she did her homework(a/n: Do the kids at skool even get homework?). "He's just an alien."

"No!" Dib said, thoroughly exasperated. "He's an alien _bent on taking over the world!_ Have nothing to do with him!"

Kat stuck her tongue out at him. He sighed and went back to drawing. Kat blinked and inched closer to him. "Whatcha doin'?" she asked, gazing at the drawing.

Dib sighed again. "If you must know, I'm working on a plan to get rid of Zim."

"Why?"

"We've been over this! Zim wants to take over the world, and I must stop him!"

"Why?"

"Kat, are you doing your annoying Mindy impression?"

"Why?"

"AARRRRRGH!"

Meanwhile, at Zim's fortress…

"WHEEEEEEEEE!" Gir shrieked, running around the house wildly. He finally came to a stop when he crashed into the TV. He lied on the ground for a few seconds, then got up and giggled insanely. "Ooooooh, the Angry Monkey Show!" he said in awe as he observed the TV screen. He immediately went over to the couch, plopped down, and stared at the TV intently.

"…I love this show…"

Suddenly the phone rang. "YAAAAYYY! RINGRING!" Gir shouted, commencing his house run once again.

Zim came up from the lab. "GIR!"

Gir screeched to a stop. "Yes, Master!"

"When did we get a telephone?"

Gir shrugged. "I dunno."

Zim scowled and went to answer it. "Hello?"

"Hiiiiiii!" a voice on the other line said, sounding strangely like Gir.

Zim raised one eyebrow. "Who is this?" he asked suspiciously.

"Kat! You know, Dib's cousin?"

"What do you want, filthy Earth creature?" Zim growled.

"…I dunno. To talk, cause Dib wont talk about anything but destroying you, and it's booooring!" She began rambling on about nothing in particular, the way all blondes do when holding a phone.

Zim promptly hung up. Or at least he tried to, but Gir grabbed the phone and put it up to his ear.

"Hellooooo? Hiiiiii! Byyyyye!" Gir then hung up the phone. "That was fun!"

The next day…

Kat lay asleep on her desk. Mrs. Bitters was talking about how chickens spread disease in the Dark Ages. Finally, the recess bell rang.

Kat woke up with a jolt. "AAAAAHH! EVIL COOKIE! DIIIIIIEEE!" she screamed.

"KAT!" Dib smacked her in the back of the head. "Snap out of it! Today we defeat Zim!" He grinned evilly.

Outside, Zim was once again being beaned with dodgeballs. He decided to get a clue and sit over in the shadows while he schemed of another plan to overtake Earth_._

Hmmmm…So Ultra-Peepi didn't work, Zim thought. _What can I do?_

Dib picked up a water balloon filled with soapy water.(a/n: ah, it's about time Dib figured it out…wait.)"Zim!" he beckoned. "Catch!"

"Hmm?" Zim said, just before the water balloon exploded against him. He watched the water drip down the front of him. "Dib, when will you learn—Aah! AAH! AAAAAHH!" The soap washed off the paste and Zim's skin began to sizzle.

As he screamed and writhed in agony, Kat decided to turn away from the dodgeball game long enough to notice his pain. She gasped, pulled a sponge out of her all-purpose pocket, and ran over to shove Dib into the brick wall.

"OW!" Dib cried out as his face slammed against the wall. He fell to the ground, temporarily out for the count.

Dib down, Kat turned to the squirming Irken and sopped up the evil liquid.

Zim stopped screaming and opened his eyes. He looked at the concerned girl in awe. "You..you saved me?"

Kat nodded.

"But…why?"

Dib jumped up, blood streaming from his nose. "Yes, Kat! Why? Why did you betray me and the entire human race?!"

Kat shrugged. "Zim was in trouble. I helped him."

The bell rang to go in. The kids ran to get back in skool.

Dib turned to Kat. "I can't believe you and I are related." He gave her one last hate-filled look, then continued on to the classroom.

Kat stood there, confused. "He's just an alien," she muttered.

After skool…

Gir sat on the couch, watching the Angry Monkey Show. Zim sat there too, but his thoughts were not on the scary-looking primate.

He stewed and stewed again, pondering the morning's events.

Finally, he picked up the phone.

Meanwhile, at Dib's house…

Kat also sat, watching the Angry Monkey Show.

"Isn't there anything else on?" she wondered aloud, flipping through the channels. Incidentally, there wasn't.

Dib sat on the other end of the couch with Gaz. He was so mad he couldn't even think of a plan to defeat Zim.

"Dib, would you _back off?_" Gaz complained. "You're getting in my light. And you're seriously creeping me out by sitting this close to me."

Dib didn't reply.

Suddenly the phone rang. Kat answered, "Hello?"

"…Hi," Zim hesitantly replied.

"Oh, hi!" Kat exclaimed. "What'd you call about?"

Zim drummed his fingers nervously. "Your name's Kat, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Kat, I was wondering…"

"Yeah?"

"Is that 'friend' spot still open?"

Ooh! Suspense! Zim actually making a true friend with an Earth stink-beast? Veeeery interesting. Even I'm not sure what's gonna happen! And I am NOT a Dib-basher(I actually find him cute ^_~), but I AM on Zim's side. As it says on my bio, I'm SO sorry this came out so late, but my dad was upgrading the computer and whatnot. I'll have the next chapter out soon, and I mean it this time! So, fellow IZ fans, ja matta ne and I'll c u l8r!

~Katreon of Team Socket

"Team Socket's plugging in again!"

Review, uh…I command thee! Now! Leevee: S'cuse me! That's MY line!


	3. I Forgot the Name of This Chapter

Dib's Cuz Comes to Town

Dib's Cuz Comes to Town!

Chapter 3: I Forgot the Name of the Chapter

Before I get started, I want to give many thanx to Amethyst Soul for correcting me on a mistake I made--It's the Scary Monkey Show(ironically enough, I thought it was that but changed it cause I'm so smart).

Kat sat upside down on the computer chair, watching DragonBrawler X via the wonderful Internet. As usual, the characters were deeply involved in a karate match.

"You are mine, Go-cook! Say goodbye!"

"Ha ha, not if I get you first, evil Icebox! SUPER MEGA ULTRA BRIGHT FLASHLIGHT ATTACK!"

"Oh no! I am vanquished! It is the end for me!"

Then the doorbell rang.

"Dingdong!" Kat yelled, successfully falling out of the chair before her nose started to bleed. She ran up and opened the door.

Zim and Gir(in his doggie suit) stood outside. "Has Dib already left?"

Kat nodded. "It's easy to get rid of someone that's really mad at you."

Zim chuckled forcefully. "Heh. That it is."

Kat cocked her head and grinned even wider. "Zim, I know you're just here to infiltrate the enemy's base."

Zim froze. "No I'm not!" When he realized he was beat, he sighed and nodded. "How'd you know?"

Kat--for the first time--smiled in a normal way. "There's more to me than you may think, Zim." Her insane look returned. "C'mon! I know where my uncle hides some double chocolate chip cookies!"

As Zim came in, Gir ran over to the couch and watched the Scary Monkey Show. Zim noticed this. "GIR! We are not here to watch TV!"

Gir got off the couch sadly. "Aaawww…" he said.

Kat stopped. "Did your doggie just talk?"

Zim laughed heartily. "Foolish Earthling! Gir is an incredibly smart dog! Of course he talked!"

Kat grinned. "He's not really a doggie."

Zim shook his head. "He's my android."

Gir shrieked for no apparent reason.

Kat contemplated this. "…Okay!"

"So, why are you doing this?" Zim asked.

Kat looked at him, confused. "Doing what?"

"Helping me take over Earth."

"Oh." Kat suddenly--and seemingly OOC--grew very serious. "Well, life sucks, and then you die. So why not help an alien take over the world?"

"Well, I guess that makes sense," Zim said, nodding.

They stood in awkward silence. Luckily, the phone brought them back to reality. "Hello?" Kat said into the phone. Zim couldn't make out what the other person was saying, but whatever it was, Kat seemed really happy about it.

"Uh-huh…uh-huh…cool! 5 minutes? Alrightskies, see ya!" Kat hung up.

"I like juice," Gir commented to no one. "And cookies with juice."

Kat ignored him. "YAAAAY!!!" she shouted jubilantly, skipping around the room. Gir observed this for a moment, then followed suit.

"STOP THIS FOOLISHNESS!" Zim shouted. "Who was on the phone?"

Kat stopped skipping, not even noticing Gir bumping into her. "My best friend from…uh…wherever I'm from!" In light of this new evidence, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!!!" Kat ran to the door and opened it. A girl stood there. She was considerably taller than Kat, with short-short red hair that had blue streaks in it. Her shirt said, "COOKIE".

Kat was grinning from ear to ear. "Guys, meet my friend, Lee."


	4. Oh Brother, Now I Forgot _My_ Name

Dib's Cuz Comes to Town

Dib's Cuz Comes to Town!!!

Chapter 4: Oh Brother, Now I Forgot _My_ Name

A/n: I am sad to announce that this will be the last chapter of DCC2T. *sniff, teardrop* I'm just getting realllllllly tired of this story. --ScKAnd we're running out of ideas!-- SHUT UP! WE are not doing ANYTHING!!! Ignore my subconscious self. (ScK stands for Subconscious Katreon!) She's been popping up out of nowhere lately. And now, on with the story!

Lee looked around stupidly. Kat grinned stupidly. Gir screeched, yep, you guessed it, INSANELY!

Kat spoke up. "How come?"

"How come what?" Zim inquired, curious.

"How come they're called marshmallows?"

Zim blinked. "…Right then…"

Lee pulled a salt lick out of her pocket and…well, licked. "Mmm…salty."

"How come???" Kat whined.

"I DON'T FREAKIN' KNOW WHY THEY'RE FREAKIN' CALLED MARSHMALLOWS!!!" Zim yelled, his brain cells melting from the sheer stupidity.

"Nuh-uh," Kat said. "I meant how come just about every character on this show has 3-letter names?"

Zim opened his mouth to retaliate, then shut it. That was a good question. "Wait a sec…what show?!"

Lee paused her licking to smack Kat upside the head. "Idiot! Now we have to kill him!" She stopped. "Wait. Why am I complaining?"

Zim raised one eyebrow. These girls could not be serious.

Kat grinned, apparently feeling no effect from the whack. "No, we don't! I learned hypnotism!" She turned towards Zim. "You are getting sleepy…and hungry…and--"

**********************************************************************************************************************

Lee turned to Kat. "Alright, so that was a good idea."

Kat nodded. "I just wish we could see the look on his formerly evil invader face."

Lee grinned evilly. "Dib's too."

They shook hands and returned to where they had come from.

At the fortress…

Gir watched the Scary Monkey Show. "I love this show."

Zim walked out the door. "Goodbye, Gir! I'll see you this afternoon!"

Gir did not reply, his gum-coin-pocket lint brain focused on the show.

Zim happily walked down the street. Ah yes, life was good.

He suddenly ran into Dib, who was equally happy. "Hello, Zim!"

"Hello, Dib! Isn't it a beautiful day?"

"Why, yes it is! I can't wait to see what exciting things they've got for us to do as rodeo clowns!"

END!!!!! %^p

Now you see why I wanted this to end, yes? Good. Leave me alone.

~Katreon of Team Socket

"Team Socket's plugging in again! Destroying the ozone, one hair-spray-paint can at a time."

I'm almost afraid to know what you think…but review anyway!


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